I have Venus conjunct Uranus. Is this why I can’t stay in a relationship?

This is an interesting one. I have Uranus in the 7^th house opposing my Sun and Moon- a similar aspect to a Venus/Uranus conjunction in many ways. When I was first learning astrology, many more experienced (than I) astrologers upon seeing my chart would nod meaningfully at me and then very gently ask me how many times I have been married. One actually went as far as to tell me that I had a “divorce aspect” and that I would never be able to hold down as relationship as my need for space, individuality and constant excitement is too great. WTF? I have been in the same relationship for over 20 years…and to a very conservative Scorpio!

Just before I went to New York earlier this year my Dad told my husband that he should enforce more control over me and my habit of periodically running away. Hubby just laughed and said “that’s Joey, I wouldn’t want to try and control her.”  With Venus/Uranus you will need space in your relationships. Not just physical and emotional space, but space to be yourself within the structure of a relationship. This does not mean so called “open relationships” (unless, of course, that works for both of you), but rather open communication where you both understand what the other needs in order to be honest to themselves and each other.

I once went to school with a girl who put the “kwe” into quirky. She didn’t value popularity, in fact, it was something she eschewed- yet for all that, popular she was, in that everyone wanted to copy her. Other girls wanted to dress like her, listen to the same music as her, have the same detached nonchalance that wore.

She was able to wear the mankiest Doctor Who scarf in a way that would make others look plain sad. She was into Dead Kennedys when the rest of us thought The Cure were alternative. She wallpapered her bedroom in alfoil and once made a full twirly skirt for the school disco entirely out of broadsheet newspapers. Ok, the newspaper skirt probably wasn’t a great success and didn’t survive the water fight midway during the evening, but certainly illustrates my point- people with a Venus/Uranus conjunction love to be different, with an original style which is all their own.

Venus/ Uranus types are able to successfully combine quirky, mis-matched and artisan pieces together with the end result not looking contrived or as if they are trying too hard to be different.

You love to discover a new designer or artist or band, but will only remain loyal and interested until they become popular, at which point you move onto the next exciting discovery…much like my school friend who moved onto Throbbing Gristle once a few of us started listening to Dead Kennedys’ “Holiday in Cambodia”.

You may be extremely open minded to all types of relationship structures, you may resist traditional ceremonies- after all, how you feel about each other won’t be changed by a piece of paper. Then again, you may choose to do all of these things. The one thing that you will resist in a relationship is sameness and dishonesty and imprisonment. Feeling trapped and claustrophobic is a common symptom of a long term relationship for a Venus/Uranus type or indeed Venus in Aquarius, or 7^th house Uranus.

For all your freedom loving, open minded attitudes, you can be completely inflexible when it comes to compromising on what it is that you believe in, your own moral code, so to speak. As adaptable as you may appear to the outside world, heaven help anyone who attempts to mold you into their idea of who and what you should be.  As malleable and responsible as you may be at the start of a relationship, at some point you will rebel.

Sometimes you may “project” the aspect, and rather than display the qualities yourself, be drawn to Venus/Uranian types- this may be the case if the rest of your chart is heavily water or earth based. You may be attracted to partners who themselves are quirky, spontaneous, unreliable and freedom loving. You may constantly worry that he doesn’t value the relationship (or you) and detaches himself too easily. Venus/Uranus understands that people can’t be owned- nobody “belongs” to anybody else.

Venus/Uranus types fall in love (lust) quickly. For as long as that 1^st glorious rush of newness lasts, she won’t care what others think, or whether he is the right one or even whether he is available- self restraint means absolutely nothing when your interest is aroused. Once that initial glow disappears, she will, however, look for excitement elsewhere- a little variety and experimentation will always help to sustain her interest. Mixing it up a bit sexually is definitely appreciated by Venus/Uranus types!

Having Venus and Uranus conjunct (or, indeed a 7^th house Uranus or Venus in Aquarius) does not mean you will never have a lasting relationship- just that you need to find someone who will value your independence and space in the same way that you do. Someone who recognizes that you need personal freedom and the space within which you can experiment and be creative. Someone who provides a safe haven for you to come back to in between adventures. Someone who appreciates those little quirks of your personality. Someone who won’t push you into a uniform, won’t make you straighten your hair and won’t try and mold you into the perfect wife/partner/employee. Someone who thinks that you and your purple velvet coat are perfect as you are.

It appears as though we haven’t heard the last from Aries.

My favourite Aries male -with the exception of my brother who doesn’t count- because he’s my favourite brother and you can only be favourite in one category- has taken exception to my mood in my last newsletter.

I am not sure whether he was truly upset with my absolutely warranted grumpiness, or just that the chocolate body butter I mentioned in my Venus in Taurus post had not been attributed to something to do with Aries.

Either way, apparently my comment that I was “officially over Aries” upset his sensitivities. Given that he has a Scorpio Moon, I can not risk the potential backlash or revenge fantasies if I upset him properly and don’t retract the “over Aries” comment.

So, to the “great group of people” that are Aries peeps- how could I ever possible be truly over writing about “the most trusting (seriously???), fun loving star sign of all?” (his words…)

And to my favourite Aries male- I promise to mention something to do with Aries (and possibly you…) before the Sun is in Taurus.  After all, the Sun is exalted in Aries, so at least for the next couple of weeks, it is all about you.

Happy Birthday (again) Aries.

The Stars and the Sun dance to your drum,

And now it’s Pandemonium

Everything you always wanted to know about your Aquarius Boss, but were afraid to ask. Check it out here.

My latest post for ivillage is here.

Venus in Aquarius

(Symbalon Cards)

The really bad part of summer school holidays is the shopping centre is crowded and finding somewhere to sit and eat lunch is a nightmare. The good part is squeezing into a table near a group of extremely knowledgeable teenage girls and hearing a conversation like this:

‘He is just so sensitive.  I don’t think I have ever gone out with someone so…. sensitive,’ says Girl 1.

‘What is his star sign? ‘cos like you know I know about that stuff,’ asks Girl 2.

‘His birthday is next week, so he is an Aquarius,’ Girl 1 confides to Girl 2.

‘Aquarius and Cancer is such a good match,’ states Girl 2 in complete seriousness, ‘Youse two are so going to be together like forever.’

Enjoying her audience, she continues: ‘It’s because Aquarius and Cancer are both water signs- you know… Cancer is the Crab and Aquarius is the Water Girl.’

Girl 3 pipes up: ‘That is so true. I am Aquarius and I am just super sensitive to just everything. My boyfriend is a Scorpio and he is a fire sign so he just doesn’t get the whole emotional thing… you know?’

They all nodded in understanding. I spied a free table and gathered my book and my lunch before the temptation to laugh got the better of me.

The overheard conversation really brought home a few known truths:

• Aquarius is one of the most misunderstood signs in the zodiac (see my post I Did It My Way).
• Aquarius is not a water sign
• Scorpio is not a fire sign
• And all things being equal*, Cancer and Aquarius are not usually a match made in heaven… nor is Aquarius and Scorpio (although my parents have been married for 46 years)…

Venus is currently flirting her way through unconventional Aquarius (where she will be until 11 February).  If you have Venus in Aquarius you will most likely have a free and independent attitude to relationships. Jealousy, possession and attempts to control you will turn you off very quickly (just some of the reasons that Scorpio and Cancer don’t usually work for you). Exchange of ideas, theories and fantasies (the more experimental the better) certainly do work for you.

The whole idea of being confined within a particular relationship is often enough to send Venus in Aquarius running in the opposite direction. Yes, she will commit, but needs to be able to explore and socialise with people from all different parts of life. She can’t and won’t be made to fit into a neatly labelled box.

Often seeming detached or aloof, Venus in Aquarius is able to function outside of her feelings and does not do emotional intensity well. She also needs the space to rebel or flaunt her unconventionality- just because she can. If you are the type that is overly concerned by appearances, Venus in Aquarius will certainly challenge these expectations.

From a fashion viewpoint, Venus in Aquarius is relatively low maintenance- she isn’t usually into expensive bling, big brand names and obvious designer labels. She is more likely to be found in lively conversation than having a facial. Venus in Aquarius likes to combine fabrics and patterns together that shouldn’t work, but somehow do. She will always prefer a handmade piece of jewellery or handbag from an artisan market over duty-free leather, and will keep her eye out for cutting edge fabrics, technologies or items that are ethnically and ethically sound.

Men with Venus in Aquarius look for a partner with Aquarian characteristics- someone who is independent, a little quirky, a little flighty and not predisposed to too many of those “we need to talk” moments. And that is not always a bad thing…

*Relationship Astrology is about so much more than sun sign compatibility. A couple with other harmonious contacts (eg Moon, Venus, Mars or Mercury) may be able to get over an initial sun sign mismatch.