Some astro humour… I can’t and won’t claim creative credit for any of this stuff… most of it has been emailed from someone who got it in an email from someone else- but will give credit where applicable. If you find more out there, send it on through!

Sex Lies and Body Paint

The line each star sign would be most likely to say after a One Night Stand- Cass posted a version of this most recentlyon Sasstrology, but there is also a version on Steven Forrests’ site & it has had numerous iterations elsewhere:

Aries: “Bet I can come first” (actually, that would be before?)”… or “now was I the best you ever had, or was I the best you ever had.”
Taurus: “Wow, that chocolate body paint is really good”
Gemini: “You hang up first… no you hang up… OK, if I log off, you hang up…”
Cancer: “Does this mean we are getting married?”
Leo: “I think that mirror needs to be moved about an inch to the left”
Virgo: “After I have a shower, let’s change the sheets”
Libra: “Well, I thought it was good… what did you think?”
Scorpio: “Would you like me to untie you now?”
Sagittarius: “How about bungy sex next time?”
Capricorn: “Give me your business card- we should do lunch”
Aquarius: “Don’t call me”
Pisces: “what did you say your name was again?”

Coffee- How do you Take Yours?

Thanks to the IT boys at work for this one…

ARIES
First in line, first out the door – a double shot – mainlined- and the Ram is off and running.

TAURUS
The Bull just loves the creamy luxury of Cappuccino- good value with chocolate on top and a yummy bit of something sweet & creamy on the side.

GEMINI
Dare I say it… half/half? Or is that only ever half a cup finished?

CANCER
Mocha is right at home for Cancer, but just skip the coffee & go straight for the hot chocolate- you know you want to.

LEO
Something with a little drama- a perfectly presented macchiato served somewhere you will be guaranteed to be well lit.

VIRGO
That shop down the road never really makes your soy decaf cappuccino the way you like it, so you may as well do it yourself…

LIBRA
Café au Lait with friends on the side- or is that a skim cappuccino? You decide…

SCORPIO
Deep, dark espresso- need I say more?

SAGITTARIUS
An iced caramel latte in the dead of winter seems appropriate for the Zodiac’s thrill seeker.

CAPRICORN
Multi- tasking with a meeting & business cards, always efficient, Capricorn has found that a shot of espresso in one’s coffee gets the job done …

AQUARIUS
Organic raspberry tea grown by Fair Trade farmers is a refreshing alternative to coffee — it transcends the boundaries of modern society…

PISCES
Someday, Chai will replace coffee entirely, and Pisces will be ahead of us all – meanwhile, they can sit back calmly, ready to ride the wave of the future & bide their time until it can reasonably be called “cocktail hour”.

Lightbulbs

Another one courtesy of the IT boys, but have also seen a version on Steven Forrests’ site as well. How many (insert your star sign here) does it take to change a lightbulb?

Aries: Just 1- do you want to make something of it? And i bet I can do it faster than you…

Taurus: Are you sure it has blown? I don’t want to waste a perfectly good lightbulb otherwise. Anyway, I prefer natural light and candles.

Gemini- best keep it to 1 or the task will turn into a party and it will never get changed

Cancer- only 1, but a few therapists to help with the grieving process

Leo: Leos do not change their own light bulbs- they get someone else to do it for them.

Virgo: Well of course I have to do it- for the 5th time this year, no one else will think of doing it and how can I get the bathroom cleaned if the light has blown again. If you want something done properly you do it yourself.

Libra: Well, I can do it if you want, but its’ up to you- what do you think?

Scorpio: None- Scorpios aren’t afraid of the dark, but their enemies better be pretty careful…

Sagittarius: the sun is shining, the day is young & you are worried about a light bulb? Its not even dark yet.

Capricorn: It depends- do I have to pay for it?

Aquarius: In theory…?

Pisces: What light bulb?